She wants to visit her sister for the weekend so she is just turning on the charm now. He lost sight of the behavior at hand because he assumed that she had ulterior motives.
With the toxic thought pattern of the head game gamble entrenched, partners think that they can read each others' minds. Ironically, years of togetherness and shared experience can make the Head Game Gamble even more likely, because partners often believe mistakenly that spending years together automatically means they know how the other feels. The head game gamble can manifest when one partner believes the other's behaviors or actions are always directed at him or her. Your partner thinks, "She woke up early and cleaned the kitchen to tell me that I don't do enough.
A head game gambler may think, "She's paying me back for watching football all afternoon by not making dinner," but, in reality, his partner just feels a cold coming on and needs to rest. Similarly, another might imagine, "He only said that my new haircut isn't attractive because I said he's going bald," when, in fact, the new hairstyle is simply not as flattering as the previous one. When you make assumptions about your partner's actions or comments, you will often be incorrect. Remember the old saying about the word assume : When you assume you make an ass out of u and me.
So stop assuming, as a first step to stop head gaming. Focus on what you love and admire about your partner. Giving trust is always the best way to receive it back. We all experience anxiety from time to time in our relationships, but you can let your anxiety be a signal to look at the strengths you have as couple as opposed to letting head games tear you apart.
There's a difference, however, between developing alternative explanations to feed your own head game gambles and your partner actually behaving in a passive aggressive manner, such as deliberately leaving dishes in the sink, making noise while you're trying to sleep, or intentionally interrupting you with "important questions" as you try to study for a grad school exam.
If your partner is exhibiting unacceptable behavior such as repeatedly being passive aggressive, assert yourself by telling your partner that you will not accept such treatment.
Simply say, "This is not acceptable anymore. He holds a Ph. Philadelphia—NBC and public radio. Perseus Books There is an irony in this sentence fragment of the author: " I searched for the error in the original article. Didn't find it and assume silly me that the author has corrected it. I'm surprised though you didn't get the courtesy of an acknowledgement by the author. From someone with the author's credentials I would expect to at least mention whether or not all sorts of non-verbal cues may abound when someone is trying to withhold information from people who know them well.
Those aren't limited to passive-aggressive behaviours, nor to negative behaviours for that matter. I'm not even going into empathy, intuition and so forth which would be too subtle to perceive and analyse rationally, but which can nevertheless convey their message and thus be a big part in the head games people play. What if the one studying for an exam is the passive aggressive one? Are you assuming the other's questions are irrelevant?
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Who says who is the one playing games? It does take two, after all.
Head games take on a different meaning and form in established relationships.
Or am I assuming too much? It does sound like a problem to assume deception from your mate. But it's not a problem with assumptions; if we didn't assume some things were true about them, we couldn't decide to be with them.
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The problem is this particular assumption. Assuming honesty is an easier way to live life. And when that assumption doesn't work well with reality, it can be better to leave than spend life second guessing your life partner.
Live in their own heads the majority of the time. It is almost arrogant and conceited to think that their spouses are always doing something on purpose to upset the other spouse, or to get back at them or as if every move the spouse makes in done with the other spouse in mind.
They aren't. Most of the time when people go through their day to day activities they aren't focusing on other people even spouses - they are focused on themselves. Thank You,. Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. Toggle navigation. Check out our. We love making super fun mobile games. Idle Golf Tycoon. Super Hit Baseball.
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